naturally speaking - Speak Skills

Four Secrets of Learning Masterful Conversation

We all learn conversation through active oral practice beginning in early childhood. During those years we are learning through an apprenticeship of observation with our ears and eyes and our practice through mimicry of the speakers around us. Virtually no one fails to learn to speak their native language and develop a basic vocabulary and manner of speaking unless they are impaired in hearing.

However, although we learn to speak a language and interact, we may not learn to converse effectively. For example, if we do our learning apprenticeship in a hostile or competitive environment, most likely we will understand conversation as a competition and behave accordingly.

CONVERSATION IS COLLABORATIVE

Therefore, our first secret of learning masterful conversation is to see it as a collaborative activity rather than a competition of winning and losing or one-upmanship. When we have installed this mental frame of collaboration around conversation, our attitudes and behaviors during conversation can and do change.

Conversation is like a dance, taking turns, following and leading.

SPEND TIME WITH SKILLED CONVERSERS

A second secret for mastering conversation is this: To become better, you must spend time around masterful conversers. Just as to become more SKILLed at tennis you need to play against better players, the same is true of conversational practice.

However, if you don’t work or live with excellent conversers, where do you find them?

WHERE TO FIND SKILLED CONVERSERS?

Increasing numbers of conversation cafes are springing up around North America. These are groups for learning and practicing excellent SKILLs at no cost. To learn if there is a café in your area, check www.conversationcafes.org. If such a café does not yet exist in your area, you can easily start one.

Generally, these drop-in groups meet weekly for about 90 minutes of friendly and satisfying conversation. Also, check for a “cousin” group, a Socrates Café for deep discussion. Check also public workshops on interpersonal communication offered by colleges and training companies.

CONVERSATION IS PROCESS KNOWLEDGE

The third secret is that conversation SKILLs are a `process knowledge`, not a `cognitive knowledge.` Like riding a bike or hand-writing a note, the knowledge is in the behavior. There is a certain `feel` to it. It’s not knowing `that.` It’s knowing HOW. That is why the many books written about conversation are only marginally helpful. Learning more effective ways of conversing – certain moves and phrases – is a bit like learning a foreign language. If we do not rehearse the oral behaviors and only think about them, they will not be available to use when we want to use them spontaneously.

Example: Many Japanese study English as “book-learning” for many years, yet are unable to converse in English at even a basic level. Why? Lack of oral practice with fluent native speakers.

CONFIDENCE FOLLOWS LEARNING NEW SKILLS

The fourth secret is that one’s emotional confidence usually follows but rarely precedes being SKILLful. This Is true of almost any activity: juggling 3 balls, writing a sales letter, roasting the holiday turkey. We have to DO the behavior first before true confidence arrives.

A feeling of awkwardness and self-consciousness often accompanies our attempts to learn a new process knowledge, and this is especially ture of we are being observed by others. The real confidence is usually a consequence of our repeated practice at learning a SKILL by pressing through any awkwardness to the point that “I know I can do it because I’ve done it.”

Many people interpret their awkward feelings to mean they should avoid an activity because it’s uncomfortable and might even be risky or dangerous. This is a common mistake and has the effect of preventing people from gaining SKILL. As with the tennis player who competes only against weaker players, these conversers never advance in their level of SKILL.

Some discomfort comes with the territory of learning new or different social SKILLs. If we don’t accept that reality, we’ll stay cloistered within our zone of comfort and will not stretch into new behaviors.

In summary, good conversation is a collaborative dance, not a competition; for best learning, we must talk with accomplished conversers; then we must practice and not merely think about how to converse; and finally we must push through the awkward feelings that accompany learning new social SKILLs.

Creative Presentation Openers That Work - How to Capture Your Audience's Undivided Attention

Most presenters begin their presentation in the usual manner…

“Hello my name is Fred Flintstone and I am here today to discuss technology in pre-historic times.”

While your name can be very interesting (especially to you), it is not a very compelling way to begin a presentation. I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but when you begin this way, audiences usually forget your name and worse yet, they forget YOU!

A great way to begin a presentation is with an attention-getting device that will get the audience EXCITED about listening to the rest of your presentation. Some of the best ways I have found to capture the audience’s attention are:

1. Rhetorical Question – A rhetorical question is a question to which no response is needed. Rhetorical questions are designed to be thought provoking, rather than answered out loud. An example of a rhetorical question might be, “If you were trapped on an island and could only have three things, what three things would you choose?” Not only does the audience begin thinking about how they would answer your question—they wonder how this will tie into the presentation (which by the way, it must) and suddenly—you’ve got them!

2. Relevant Story – Beginning a presentation with a story that directly relates to the topic is another great way to get the audience’s attention. A good story engages our audience’s hearts and minds and immediately draws them in. Make sure that the story is short (using a long story in the introduction can compromise the flow of the presentation) and makes a strong point. Here’s an example of an introductory story used for a presentation on the benefits of a 24 hour Nurse Line. “All of us have had frightening medical situations where the help of a registered nurse could come in handy. Let me tell you about a young mother, Marie, who was terrified when her two-month old infant son Sam woke up screaming in the middle of the night. He was burning up with a high fever and Marie didn’t know what to do. So she called the Nurse Line and they directed her to put him in a cool bath to bring his body temperature down. They stayed on the line with her until she was comfortable that she could handle the situation herself. Imagine having that kind of support available to you at all times of the day and night.”

3. Startling Statistic – A startling statistic can be great opener. For a presentation on drunk driving, you might begin with... “In the 30 minutes it will take for me to deliver this presentation, one person in the U.S. will die in an alcohol related traffic accident.” When using statistics, round the numbers, site your sources, and be sure to present current and accurate information.

4. Analogy – An analogy compares the known to the unknown, helping the audience better understand the unknown. When properly developed and explained, an analogy can be an interesting presentation opener. Here’s an analogy example... “Continuing to use this technology is like being on a lake in a rowboat full of holes—instead of patching the holes, all your time is consumed with scooping the water out of the boat.” You may not understand the technology, but now you know unequivocally, that it is like a sinking ship!

5. Humorous Anecdote – Humor is one of the BEST ways to win an audience over and get them enthusiastic about you and your presentation. Humor enhances the audience’s positive perception of you. When an audience laughs with you, chances are good they are also FOR YOU! The safest type of humor is stories or anecdotes that are uniquely yours. The problems you had traveling to get to your presentation make humorous presentation stories. Your dinner disaster is always good for a presentation laugh. One reminder worth mentioning--only use humor when you can relate it to the subject matter—irrelevant jokes are not suitable presentation openers. Here’s an example of a humorous anecdote… “There is nothing more humbling than the honest opinion of a five year old. I was feeling really good about this outfit this morning (even preening a little in front of the mirror) when my five year old daughter came up to me and said, mommy, are you going to wear that table cloth to work?”

6. Curiosity – Provoking the audience’s sense of curiosity can also help you capture their attention. When we are curious about something, we tend to listen more closely to see how it works out. The TV news trailers you see during Prime Time television often use curiosity to try to entice you into staying up and watching the late news. “Tonight at 11:00, find out what vitamin combination can save your life.” In the presentation realm, you might use a more subtle tactic, “Today, I’m going to tell you three important things that I guarantee will change the way you do business forever…” Because they are curious, the audience will pay close attention to see what those things are.

7. Gimmick – The sole purpose of a gimmick is to capture the audience’s attention, so it makes sense that beginning with a gimmick is a good strategy. An example of a gimmick might be… A presenter who is going to speak about the benefits of a paperless office begins the presentation by dramatically crumbling papers and throwing them away. He/She then asks the audience to throw away all the paper that has been planted in front of them. Note that everyone loves a gimmick, as long as it is in good taste.

Remember, incorporating a good attention getter into the introduction of your presentation can mean the difference between being MEMORABLE or FORGETTABLE.

Sloppy Speech Habits Can Affect the Job Interview

You may look good on paper but do you sound as good as your resume looks? Careless speech habits can keep you from getting that plum job.

Companies seek job candidates who are well-spoken and articulate And recruiters won’t represent a job candidate if they don’t match the client’s profile.

According to Lori Zelman, Vice President of Human Resources at Strategic Workforce Solutions in New York City, “The people most highly sought after are the ones who are succinct in the explanation of their work experience.”’

Here are some of the biggest speech habits that can create a negative impression”

Non-words-Filler words such as “um,” “ah”, “you know”, “okay”, or” like”, tell the interviewer you are not prepared. A better strategy is to pause and breathe. Think before you speak. Everybody utters an occasional “um” but don’t start every sentence with a non-word.

Uptalk –A singsong or rising inflection at the end of every sentence creates a tentative impression. It sounds as if the candidate is asking a question instead of making a statement. To speak with conviction, bring you intonation down at the end of a sentence.

Grammatical Errors-The interviewer may question your education level when you use incorrect grammar or slang. Expression such as “ain’t “, “She don’t,” “He should’ve went,” “ Me and my friend,” “So I goes to him,” are not appropriate for an interview. Be sure that you speak in complete sentences and that the tenses agree. The interview is not the venue for regionalisms of extreme informality.

Sloppy Speech-This is incorrect pronunciation as in the example “aks” for “ask”, “ath a lete”: for “athlete,” “wif” for “with” “dree” for “three. Slurring words together or dropping off the ending of words will impair the clarity of the message., To avoid slurring and to increase understanding, speak more slowly during an interview. Make a list of commonly mispronounced words and practice saying them into a tape recorder. before the interview.

Speed Talking-Speed talkers are perceived as nervous. While everybody feels a little anxiety during an interview, you don’t want your information to fly by like a speeding bullet. A rapid speaking rate is difficult to follow. To avoid rushing, do some breathing exercises before the interview to slow down your racing heart. Listen to the question and count two beats in your head before answering. At the end of your sentence, count two beats again before continuing. Pausing is an effective communication technique. Don’t be afraid of silence. The interviewer needs a few seconds to process what you just said.

Weak Speak-These are wimpy words that modify or water down your conviction. The end result is that it weaken your position. When a conversation is peppered with words like “hopefully,” “perhaps,:” I feel,”” I wish,” “I’ll try,” “ if,” “kind of,” ”sort of, “ the message being conveyed is a lack of confidence. Take a stand by using power words such as “I’m confident that.,” “My track record shows,” “I take the position that,” “I recommend,” “My goal is..” The language you use gives the listener insight into your level of confidence and conviction.

You don’t have to study elocution to speak well. Simply slow down, take time to pronounce all the syllables, and leave the slang at home

Communication SKILLs: We Are Not All Fortunate To Be Able To Talk Fluently

There are many people in the world who have problems with their communication. In this article I concentrate on the specific speech impediment called stuttering.

Why do people stutter?

There are many reasons people may develop a stuttering problem:

A traumatic event such as the loss of a relative

Someone in the family such as a parent may have had a stutter

The person who has a stutter may have copied a friend at say school who has a stutter and then it has resulted in them also stuttering

An over aggressive relative telling the person to spit their words out etc.

A while ago I had a female client who told me how she had developed a stutter. She was fluent until the age of twenty four. At this age she became pregnant for the first time, she was very happy and excited about the prospects about becoming a mother.

She was apprehensive about the birth and her friends had been winding her up telling her how painful the experience is. She knew that they were only teasing and tried to keep relaxed.

The day of the birth arrived and unfortunately the delivery was particulary hard and she was extremely shocked about how bad it actually was. After the birth of the baby, who was a healthy boy she developed the stutter.

Not all people who stutter have it from an early age, another one of my clients was fluent until the age of nineteen. At this age he had a car crash and this was the trigger to him starting to stutter.